The Farm Part 3: Skills

Let’s talk about skills. How do you get them? Which ones do you need? Which ones do you need first? In my experience, skills are gained by doing the thing I actually need the skill to do…usually after I just told someone that’s paying me that I know how to do it. Fake it ‘til you make it right?

Here’s the thing though…you need to have certain skills to get the other skills you need. These include; self-trust, curiosity, and a growth mindset. Without these three things, skill-building is a drag, and if you have them, you’re not actually faking anything.

Self-trust can mean that you’ve had experience with something similar and feel confident that you can learn the new skill. It can also mean that you know your deficits and understand that it’s ok that you have strength in some areas and not others. Knowing when to ask for help is a huge skill, but doesn’t come easy to the fiercely independent among us (I mean myself obviously, but that’s a whole other blog post…).

Curiosity takes the seriousness out of trying something. Will that plant like being in this corner of the garden? Who knows! Try it and find out. I wonder what will happen if I plant two sunflowers in one spot instead of just one? Guess what? Two mini-sunflowers!! If I make a huge decision to quit my job and become a flower farmer, will I regret it? Time will tell, but so far the future looks flowery.

A growth-mindset is key to any creative endeavour, or really for learning in general. It’s a frame of mind that gets you past the painful first part of learning something new. With this in mind, I know that if I’m trying something for the first time, it’s supposed to feel clonky and have unpredictable results. I also know that if I do that same thing ten more times it becomes smoother, more efficient and more predictable. Do it ten-thousand more times and it’s second-nature. If I gave up farming after killing more than half of my first batch of seedlings in my first season I wouldn’t currently have a studio and farmstand overflowing with them!

Here’s where I’m going with this…I did not decide to become a flower-farmer just because I thought it would be fun. It was not whimsy. I made that decision knowing the skill-set required was a long list, that the work-load can be gruelling, and that the first few seasons would be a huge non-stop, financially-risky learning curve. I also trusted myself enough to know that I could do it, and could find help for what I couldn’t do myself. I had (and have) full confidence in myself. Mad skills over here you guys.

Mad skills, but limited time and money. With my 7yo son at home-full time (see part 2), I had the added expenses of in-home childcare and less time to work to make the money I needed for the childcare…which I needed so I could work. A tale as old as time for single parents.

I had to take a serious look at my resources and find some extra help to keep my plan in motion. I knew what I wanted, how much it would cost and what the project entailed. I wrote a detailed 30 page business plan, knowing that a bank would laugh at me. I sent it to my farming uncles in Manitoba, and they generously invested in my business….and in me as a person. They believed in me when I needed it most, and I’m still busy proving them right.

Part of the budget included knowing that I couldn’t take on the physical work required to clean up and fence in the gardens across the street with everything else I had on my plate. I needed someone who was willing to take down the jungle that had taken over that space and who could turn my ideas into reality without rolling their eyes at me. It honestly looked impossible at the beginning, but I could see it!

I knew the strong-looking guys two doors down were a few roommates who played music and were up to various things, but I didn’t really know them. One of them had his number on his landscaping truck so (being of the mind that it’s always a no if you don’t ask) I decided to text him. He sent over his roommate Rich instead, and within about 10 minutes of meeting him I knew the universe had dropped the right person into my garden. I hired him on the spot.

Over the course of that summer, Rich protected what I had already started in the backyard with some fencing, and completely transformed the gardens on Haultain Street. He cut down the massive overgrowth, muscled all the soil into rows, wheeled in yards and yards of compost, built two fences and three gates, and created the very beautiful garden you can see there today.

A weekend warrior with a ‘real job’ and a band, he changed the vibe of the neighbourhood based on my rough sketches and an ability to run a good project. He just knew what to do, and if he didn’t, he figured it out. A man with the right skills.

I kept going with planting my seedlings, selling my blooms at the Farmstand and a few grocery stores, and even managed to do all the flowers for a friend’s wedding. Things were moving in the right direction and I kept going. I made an incredible connection at a local market that evolved into a wonderful partnership with a very heart-forward couple who were looking for someone to steward their gardens. They offered me access to their beautiful space that included a huge greenhouse and I took the opportunity gratefully.

In the Fall of 2023, with my son still homeschooling and still experiencing intense anxiety, I carried on as best I could while he was either with his father or at home with his babysitter. I dug up my hundreds of dahlia plants to save the tubers, I started and planted thousands of hardy annuals to overwinter in the newly created gardens on Haultain Street. I was all set to move into 2024 with my plan in place, resources from my Manitoba uncles to carry me through the winter and high hopes that things had turned in the right direction.

Then, in December 2023, my son’s father was convicted of a horrible, shameful crime that up-ended our lives once again. I won’t go into details here, but what I will say is that I rescinded his access to my son immediately, and spent the last of my resources on lawyers to keep it that way for 8 more months until he was incarcerated. It was scary and unimaginable…and it took everything I had (emotionally, literally and figuratively) to keep my son and I safe from him. I suddenly became a 100% full-time single-parent who was trying to homeschool her traumatized autistic kiddo and run a new business with no resources. Needless to say, I am forever changed by all of this. 2024 was a helluva ride you guys.

The garden saved me over and over. Starting a seed means you have to tend to it, and it kept me going and growing. The garden was the one place I could go to listen to myself, to filter out the ugliness of the situation, to shut out the opinions of the people around me, and just breathe. The colour, the beauty, the way things just keep growing despite the circumstances…it was in direct opposition to the horrors I was facing in the background.

Let’s circle back to the word ‘skills’. I was not given a handbook on the deep, emotional skills I needed to make my way through this…in fact it was more like the opposite. Feelings? No no…keep those to yourself please. This journey I have been on over the past few years has slowly evolved into my own personal discovery of what I am capable of doing, feeling and understanding. Self-trust, curiosity, and a growth mindset apply to your heart as well.

I am deeply grateful that I have had the most amazing therapist throughout the entirety of this story who has been witness to every step. He has guided me through the unthinkable and my son and I are healing and beginning to thrive. Michael, this one is for you!

To anyone out there who has made it this far in my story, thank you for bearing witness. I’m sure it isn’t what you were expecting when you started reading it, and really, it’s only just begun. I am writing it to honour myself and to let it be known that something beautiful can grow if you just keep going.

xo - Renée